its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
