Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
