i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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