I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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