the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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