we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
