dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
