Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
