Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
