remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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