Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
