3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
