I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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