You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
