I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and she was petting her beer can
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
