I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
