Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
