I think my fart just growled at me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
