I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
His nipple licking is glorious
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