guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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