I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
