Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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