so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
