my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
