would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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