she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
