Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
