I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
