Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
