if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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