Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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