my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
