I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
