There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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