i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
