Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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