What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
