I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
