i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
