In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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