Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize