If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
