I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
