Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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