I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
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