The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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