be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
