i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
