I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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