i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
