You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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