You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize