There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
