Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
