i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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