Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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