Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
