If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
