I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
