Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
