new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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