I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
