he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My ass is underappreciated
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
