New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The beer is more important than you right now.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
