she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i think im in europe. pls send help
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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