is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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