Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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