Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I woke up under a house in Key West
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