The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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