oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
