I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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