i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
