They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
