I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
