Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
